So Al Sharpton Forgot

TO TAKE HIS GERITOL — you know, helps you out with your irony-poor blood — and gets his turban in a twist over a cartoon. No, not The Profit Mohammed (PBUH), but Travis the Chimp, shot down while committing felony face-off, with a caption alluding to the infinite number of monkeys necessary to accidentally type out (pick one) the Works of Shakespeare, the Bible, Darwin’s The Origin of Species.

But, of course, while he’s cunning and streetwise, Sharpton is passing stupid. He must be, or he wouldn’t throw these idiotic little tantrums that only make him look petty and … well, stupid.

My first reaction to his positing the notion of a racial element to the cartoon was not, “Hey, he’s got a point!” No. It was, “Do you really think of yourself as a monkey?” In accusing the innocent of racism, he flares his own inkblot for us all to see and interpret. No. Really, most white people don’t think of negroes every time they see a monkey. No. Really. Most white people don’t think of black people as metaphorical apes. And I’m damned sure that, when a allusion is made to an entirely different trope, trying to haul it around to your pet peeve only makes you look, well — as I said — stupid.

Or desperate.

And while I’m sure there are black people on congressional staffs, and that, therefor, when Congress, its members, and all their staffers are collectively and metaphorically referred to as some sort of latter day tribe of Bandar-Log, inevitably there is a parallel being drawn, it ought to clear to any rational human being that that is not the primary intent of the metaphor.

And you, Gentle Reader, should bear in mind when you hear some screeching naked ape professing outrage, making socially threatening gestures and expressions, charging, tearing at the grass, flinging rocks, sticks, and feces in an asymptotic approach to an Emily Litella moment, that the speaker thus disqualifies himself from serious consideration ever again in reasoned discourse. And you should waste no more of your time giving him the slightest heed.

You should take your own advice, Alger.

Very well. I shall.

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