This is Hopeful

BUT I REMAIN SKEPTICAL. It appears that there is a proposal on the table which promises to end the climate-change debate — if the proponents of CAGW are acting in good faith. It is a verifiable and peer-reviewed calculation that “fixing” the problems of climate change will cost fifty times what it would cost to adapt to it.

I don’t doubt it’s being put forth in all sincerity by Lord Monckton and others. All of the data and process is publicly available (unlike the data and models arguing for massive remediation).

But the rub is in the first paragraph above: If the warmistas are acting in good faith. And, of course, they’re not. The whole CAGW dodge has been a bad-faith effort from the start, a stalking horse for international revolutionary Marxist seeking to loot the treasuries of rich, Western countries. That’s why they can’t allow honest reviews of their data and processes, why they can’t engage in an open debate — their motives are about as ulterior as they can get.

But I’d love to be proven wrong.

You Wanna Know Why

AUTONOMOUS CARS WILL NEVER HAPPEN? Look in your email InBox and count the spam messages. The ones that get past your self-training, Bayesian-filtered, white-and-blacklisted spam filter. Those. Total up how many you see in a day. A week. A month. A year.

Imagine they’re highway fatalities.

Tell me that, if they can’t teach an email client to recognize spam, how are they going to teach a car to recognize the threat from a farding, cell-phone-talking, gesticulating, talking-to-her-girlfriend-in-the-back-seat — yes, woman — driver? (And, no, guys, you’re not off the hook. I’ve seen way too many of you cruising down the Interstate, straddling lanes, yakking away on your cell phones, utterly oblivious to what’s going on around you.)

And following distance? How many times will Biff Trustafarian’s Volvo have to slam on the brakes or Siri a warning at him, “You’re following that truck too close! Brake! Brake!” before the following-distance warning gets disconnected by a duke-’im-a-fifty, not-so-ASE-certified mechanic?

So Don’ Wannabe Teen Moms Can Get

PLAN B WITHOUT A prescription, but I can’t get insulin?

And people wonder why so many of us think government is broken.

We Need A Sort of Inverted Haymarket Riot

FOR PRIVACY. Bruce Schneier lays out some of the points in issue.

There have been a lot of excuses for this sad state of affairs. You asked for it — or, at least, accepted it (the vast impositions against privacy in business, banking and all the rest of our private affairs) in exchange for convenience. It makes modern business operations possible; without it the world wouldn’t go. And the most despicable of all: privacy is dead; get over it.

(Assertion of that last should earn the speaker a righteous bitch-slapping at the very least.)

All of which have the sulfurous reek of totalitarian stalking horses. Just as with the subject of gun control, the issue is not guns but control, so, too, the issue with the exposure of private information isn’t the exposure, but who has the right to expose it.

In a free society, if you own yourself (and how despicable is the opposite situation), then how can you not own the information about you? And, that being the case — that you manifestly do have exclusive ownership rights in the information about you (a truth which is tacitly acknowledged in the waivers and disclaimers they make you sign in order to get access to their goodies) — how can those whom you trust with that information treat it other than as a fiduciary confidence which THEY MUST NOT BREACH?

Well, because they’re despicable trimmers who seek to get away with as much as they can, greedily grasping for any gain — even that not rightly theirs — they can realize. If you own the information ABOUT yourself, then how is the sale of that information not the fencing of stolen goods?

Well, Mr. Smartass, how would you fix the situation? Well, first and foremost, anonymization. In most cases, there is no need to tie your identity to information about you. Schneier himself, in the period immediately after 9/11, outlined a series of protocols by which trust data could be handled anonymously (and, incidentally, probably at significantly lower cost) and actually enhance the reliability of it. In the case of access to the secure areas of airports, there is no need for the state to know WHO you are, merely that it can be reliably demonstrated that you are trustworthy. Which, as I say, does not require proof of identity.

And that would be the initial approach I would recommend. Identify and remove those markers of identity which are not necessary to the trust-verification process at hand. Beyond that, I would recommend a return to the view that the Bill of Rights are sacrosanct, and that they MEAN WHAT THEY SAY. The Fourth Amendment, for example, says nothing about “agents of the state.” It instead absolutely proscribes the violation of a right to privacy without a stringent due process having been hewed to. And that includes the #%$*!&@ IRS.

At least, I don’t see an “except for tax collectors” in the text of the Amendment. And I suspect that James Madison would have bitch slapped you had you proposed that interpretation at the time. I mean, considering that they’d just fought a rebellion against taxes and all.

And… why “inverted”? Well, the original Haymarket Riot, as Wikipedia put it… The Haymarket affair is generally considered significant as the origin of international May Day observances for workers. … and, as such, is a point in favor of totalitarianism. (What? You don’t think Marxist are totalitarian?) (What? You don’t think trade unionists are Marxist?) (Whyever not?) We certainly don’t want that. But we need a similar impetus and rallying point to make of privacy an issue of the scope and urgency perceived by trade unionists back in the late 19th Century.

How we get there, I have no clue.

Quote of the Day: Bad Ideas

You cannot destroy an idea, not even an obviously bad and evil one — witness collectivism in all its forms.

Mike Vanderboegh

Read the linked article. Long, but invaluable.

The Problem I Have

WITH ALL OF THESE SO-CALLED “security” technologies is that, at the end of the day, they all rely on bitmaps.

And I know too much about manipulating bitmaps to ever really trust a security technology based on trusting them.

In the Mail — Behind the Curve Edition

I KNOW ALL THE KEWL KIDZ have already read this, but if you’re a stick-in-the-mud oddball like me and don’t yet have your veriest ownly copy, you might take a gander at it now. I think I see the same bargain price I got in the listing of available bindings at Amazon.

And, by the way, you should be disclaimed that this blog is an Amazon affiliate, though we’re not as aggressive about it as Professor Reynolds. When ever you make a purchase after having clicked through one of our Amazon links, you help defray the costs of operating this here free gelato machine at no additional cost to your charming self. Verb sap, as RAH used to say.

Quote of the Day

See? I told you so.

–Rush Limbaugh

– Oh, and me, too

Check out this article on the internet sales tax and how it’s illegal. I made that.

Really? You wrote it into the Constitution?

Well, no. But I was on the Article 1, Section 9 thing a couple of years ago and was beginning to despair of it’s ever getting any traction, despite the fact that it ought to be a dispositive slam-dunk.

(Hat tip: Everett Mickey on Facebook.)

How Much of What Science Might Know

RESTS UNEXAMINED IN university or museum store rooms?

I’m a Fan of the ABC Show Castle

ON WHICH, FROM TIME-TO-TIME James Patterson appears in a cameo as one of a gang of writers who play poker at Castle’s (Nathan Fillion) swanky Tribeca apartment. Patterson and Stephen J. Cannell and others are seen giving plot advice to Castle.

I’m sure that Patterson doesn’t really care, but part of the credibility his character has is that its attached to a real, successful writer. And that credibility fades away like Jimmy Webbs MacArthur Park cake in the rain when I read of stunts such as ol’ Jimmy pulled the other day.

Joe Konrath eviscerates the idiocy so I don’t have to. RTWT.

I Bet That Saudi Guy

THAT THE FEDS SPIRITED out of the country, and about whom Glenn Beck is so wound around the axle, was an intelligence agent of the Saudi royal government aiding us in anti-terrorism operations.

I mean, if I were writing this story, that’s how it would go.

Of COURSE Democrats Hate School Vouchers

MOSTLY BECAUSE, they claim, it takes money away from public schools. Sure, the money follows the student, and gets a child educated, so why should it matter? And, still and all, when all’s said and done, if the reason a parent wants to send a child to private school is that the local public school is failing him, shouldn’t the public school lose the money?

OH! NO! Have to defend the system at all costs. Even or especially if the system is failing so badly as to be actually causing massive harm.

But also, possibly most important, the real reason rich and privileged people send their kids to private schools is to keep them away from all that lower class riff-raff. Can’t have them sullying our hallowed halls!

Did You Know There Was

A LIST OF eponymous laws? There is.

Quote of the Day: “Look in the Mirror Ye Libs” Dept.

…[S]o we’re to believe that the more you advocate freedom, the more you support the American founding principles of liberty, the more you support the concept of minimum government and maximum individual responsibility, the closer you get to Nazis and Islamofascists. Stupid as that is, there are those who believe it. And so they keep beating that drum.

Lyle, at Joe’s Place

Speaking of Commonplace Book Themes

OK, ACCORDING TO THE formal definition of “commonplace,” this doesn’t fit because it’s not on a specific topic. But, since I decide the topic, it fits. This is a collection of Yogi Berra quotes. I doubt it’s dispositive, but it seems fairly comprehensive. I love these because they strike me as being at least half-playful, as in wordplay being the sign of a high intelligence at play. Or… you know. Reminds me of a similar trait in Dolly.

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.

–Yogi Berra

Amend It or No Tax!

ARTICLE 1 SECTION 9 of the Constitution forbids the taxation of interstate commerce.

No tax or duty shall be laid on articles exported from any state.

Congress does not have the authority to permit the states to collect sales taxes on goods traveling between states. Note that the actual text of the Constitution refers solely to the goods themselves and make no mention of the location of the businesses or individuals shipping or receiving. Only that the goods be carried out (that’s what “export” means — to carry out) of one state.

It may be argued that “export” refers only to the transporting of goods between countries or nations. To which the response is that, in the original conception, the states of the United States were sovereign nations. And nothing has been done to amend the Constitution to change that. No, not even the vaunted 14th Amendment. (As a close reading of that Amendment shall reveal.)

It might be argued that states may collect taxes on goods imported to the several states, except that only Congress has that power, and may not delegate it, and, at least for commerce within the United States, any good imported to one state must first be exported from another, and the taxation of that transaction is forbidden by the above provision.

It most certainly will be argued that states will suffer reduced revenue from this. The response is that that is not a bug, but a feature. It is not a detriment, but a desideratum. All governments in this day and age spend profligately. Worse, they ignore or abdicate their primary fiduciary duties and hare off after the pet projects of corrupt officials. And, when the citizenry dares to object, officialdom threatens to cut back on the fiduciary responsibilities, but will never cut the pet, pork-barrel projects. The people have little or no prospect of relief from excessive taxation save to forbid taxation altogether whenever the opportunity to do so presents itself.

And it will be complained that all scofflaw tax evaders will have to do to dodge these new taxes is to move goods across state lines. My answer to that plaint is, “Good. Do without for awhile and maybe you’ll mend your ways.” Well, not that I believe they will or would, but the point needs to be made and keep being made until it can no longer be brushed aside.

Amend it or No tax

United-States-Constitution

Quote of the Day: I-Me-Me-Mine Dept

I KEEP POUNDING these points. Some day they’ll enter the mindstream:

The purpose of government — says so right there on the box — is to preserve the rights of the people — of individual people.

There is no such thing as a collective. Anything. Individuals are all.

There can be no compelling public interest which overrides the rights of individuals, Sandra Day O’Connor notwithstanding. The very notion is a contradiction in terms.

The public interest is (see above) the preservation of individual rights. Period. Full stop.

There is no such thing as “The Greater Good.” The so-called greater good always comprises a greater evil. Otherwise, it’s merely good.

–Me, over at Gerard’s

Staircase wit: I’m sorry, but I don’t see an “exigent circumstances” clause in this:

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

(Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution)

So, if you want to add one, you need to amend the thing. Without it, shut the front door. Come back with a warrant.

I really hope those statist fucks in Boston get their asses sued to Kingdom Come. None of them are worthy to serve in my country’s birthplace.

A Commonplace Book

BEFORE I BEGIN a post about distractions, I have this: if other people’s minds work remotely like mine, it is freakin’ amazing that anybody has a long enough attention span to get ANYthing done. My morning commute to the Patch Factory is about 19 minutes, if traffic is good. (It usually is.
I’m going the other way compared to the majority.) Tuesday morning, I wrote three new chapters for Report from New Xenaland (New working title:
The High T Affair.), had about fifteen great ideas for various projects at work, and had a closely-reasoned argument (about 15,000 words) with myself on the topic of abortion which, if I could ever capture it, would make a great series of blog posts. But, of course, were I to try, I’d get about fifty words into it and… SQUIRREL!.

But you degrease.

But I degrease.

I have long had the intent of using this blog as a sort of commonplace book, dragging home all the neat stuff I find and posting it — or posting about it — here for the delectation of all. Sort of my version of Good Shit. For example, as Erin noted on Facebook the other day, (well, tangentially, anyway), we could really have a Nice Tits department. They say that looking at boobs is good for your blood pressure or something. It would be a kind of a public service. A win-win. (Get it? “Win-win.” Two… Oh, never mind.) But it would mean I’d have to spend maybe as many as hours a day combing through porn and cheesecake sites for acceptable shots.

May the Lord smite you with it!

Dolly? Stifle.

But that’s actually beside the point. ‘Cause most of the time, the really neat stuff I find is research for whatever I’m writing and I’m in the heat of the auctorial moment and need to get back to writing and don’t have time to write a blog post right then and by the time I get back around to it I’ve forgotten about it so I never really get back to it and I forget all about it so it never gets posted and…

Gotta run.

Quote of the Day: Intergalactically Dumb Department*

This is stupidity on a governmental scale.

C.G. Hill

An excellent description of, not just stupidity, but more generalize FAIL.

*Teri Hatcher, as Lois Lane from Lois and Clark on discovering that Clark Kent was Superman all along.

You Heard it Before?

YEAH? Well… You’re gonna hear it again. Hit “Play”!

He Calls it Retirement

BUT I CALL IT fleeing the scene of the crime. Max Baucus’s hasty departure from the Senate, after having thrust this “train wreck” of a law on us (Obamacare).

We so rarely get to express our feelings toward a politician who is instrumental in passing an epochal law. They usually die before the FAIL becomes so obviously manifest to those who didn’t see it coming in the first place. We should take advantage of this one.

As the puppy-blender has been known to put it: tar, feathers: some assembly required.

Borepatch Finds the Neatest Blogs

erin_palette_avatarSO I’VE BEEN SEEING this commenter on Facebook and blogs, Erin Palette. Her avatar reminded me a bit of Yulia Nova. (Don’t ask.) But it caught my attention. As did, in short order, her words. Wonderful. This woman has her head on straight and her heart in the right place.

Then, yesterday, BP points to a brilliant post — a polemic addressed to the victim-disarmament crowd and their moral failings. The pull quote is tasty enough, but, when BP advise RTWT, I’ve learned it’s sage advice. So I went. And R’d TWT. Lemme tell you, the pull quote was only a taste. The whole thing was at the very least an excellent entree, if not a whole meal. (That would be the rest of the blog.

From the title “My So-Called Rights” to the takeaway nut quote, “Because ‘Fuck you.’ That’s why,” the post is just perfect. To quote BP, RTWT.

Then I scrolled down and started reading the comments. And there was Erin Palette! A familiar face! Kewl, I thought, and read her comments first.

I say of myself that, like Barleyman Butterbur, the proprietor of the Prancing Pony in Bree, (as described by Gandalf in Fellowship of the Ring), I am slow, but I can see through a brick wall, given time.

And then, as they say, the penny dropped. This is Erin Palette’s blog! Way cool. It’s called Lurking Rhythmically (which my punning mind will inevitably twist to Writhing Lyrically, with all attendant follow-on puns, such as the reeling and writhing under the sea line from Alice, so we might as well get it out), and, based on that one post, I feel safe in recommending you follow it.

OK, so I’m seconding BP’s recommendation. Like I said. Slow. Brick wall.Time.

I Sometimes Wonder

anouk_who's-your-mommaHOW I CAN BE — in the words of one acquaintance, “The most connected man in Rock ‘n’ Roll” and not hear of artists for fifteen or twenty years, but then be bowled over by them when I finally do.

Case in point, Dutch singer Anouk Teeuwe, who I sort of tripped over on Spotify when I started a radio station based on Melissa Etheridge.

And — bonus points — this picture (album cover) reminds me of Dolly in my head a little. It’s the gun.

The Shot Heard Round the World

1024px-Minute_Man_Statue_Lexington_Massachusetts

By the rude bridge that arched the flood,
Their flag to April’s breeze unfurled,
Here once the embattled farmers stood,
And fired the shot heard round the world.

The foe long since in silence slept;
Alike the conqueror silent sleeps;
And Time the ruined bridge has swept
Down the dark stream which seaward creeps.

On this green bank, by this soft stream,
We set to-day a votive stone;
That memory may their deed redeem,
When, like our sires, our sons are gone.

Spirit, that made those heroes dare,
To die, and leave their children free,
Bid Time and Nature gently spare
The shaft we raise to them and thee.

–Ralph Waldo Emerson

Commemorating the Battle of Concord, April 19, 1775
Considered to be the opening battle of
the American Revolutionary War

Nice Tits Department

emma_watson_natural_beauty

APPARENTLY, EMMA WATSON stripped down — or, at least, wore an off-the-shoulder something and stood under a glycerin shower for a photo shoot celebrating…

Lenin’s birthday!

Well, she claimed it was for Earth Day. Which shows the extent of her knowledge on the subject.

And, since we here at BTB love to celebrate ignorance on any subject, wherever we may encounter it, a hearty salute:

Hey, Emma! Nice tits!

He Should Be Thanking Us

WE CAN’T LET THIS STOP US! We have to enslave the whole country, deny its fundamental rights! We can’t let a silly little thing like the founding principles of the Republic get in our way! (–The President)

Traitor!

Why he is not up on charges…

On the gripping hand, it’s possible he wanted this defeat, in order to use it as a club to beat Republicans next election.

In which case, he should be thanking us.

Do you really think he’s that clever?

No. I really think Republicans are that hapless that what should be a slam-dunk, in-your-face, broke-the-backboard victory will be turned into them stepping on their cranks.

Tonight in History

2010_NorthEnd_Boston_4621037522

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. I had chapter and verse how historically inaccurate this is in school. Shut up. It’s still an American legend. And people who hate America and the sources of American patriotism will never be satisfied until all the heroes of America are torn down, their feet of clay shattered on broken pedestals like Ozymandias in the desert sand. Those people are sick and you shouldn’t let them define the limits of your life. Might as well say The Lord of the Rings is historically and scientifically inaccurate and not even good Christian theology — and for about the same reasons.

Listen, my children, and you shall hear
Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere,
On the eighteenth of April, in Seventy-Five:
Hardly a man is now alive
Who remembers that famous day and year.

He said to his friend, – “If the British march
By land or sea from the town to-night,
Hang a lantern aloft in the belfry-arch
Of the North-Church-tower, as a signal-light, -
One if by land, and two if by sea;
And I on the opposite shore will be,
Ready to ride and spread the alarm
Through every Middlesex village and farm,
For the country-folk to be up and to arm.”

Then he said good-night, and with muffled oar
Silently rowed to the Charlestown shore,
Just as the moon rose over the bay,
Where swinging wide at her moorings lay
The Somersett, British man-of-war:
A phantom ship, with each mast and spar
Across the moon, like a prison-bar,
And a huge, black hulk, that was magnified
By its own reflection in the tide.

Meanwhile, his friend, through alley and street
Wanders and watches with eager ears,
Till in the silence around him he hears
The muster of men at the barrack-door,
The sound of arms, and the tramp of feet,
And the measured tread of the grenadiers
Marching down to their boats on the shore.

Then he climbed to the tower of the church,
Up the wooden stairs, with stealthy tread,
To the belfry-chamber overhead,
And startled the pigeons from their perch
On the sombre rafters, that round him made
Masses and moving shapes of shade, -
Up the light ladder, slender and tall,
To the highest window in the wall,
Where he paused to listen and look down
A moment on the roofs of the town,
And the moonlight flowing over all.

Beneath, in the churchyard, lay the dead
In their night-encampment on the hill,
Wrapped in silence so deep and still,
That he could hear, like a sentinel’s tread,
The watchful night-wind, as it went
Creeping along from tent to tent,
And seeming to whisper, “All is well!”
A moment only he feels the spell
Of the place and the hour, the secret dread
Of the lonely belfry and the dead;
For suddenly all his thoughts are bent
On a shadowy something far away,
Where the river widens to meet the bay, -
A line of black, that bends and floats
On the rising tide, like a bridge of boats.

Meanwhile, impatient to mount and ride,
Booted and spurred, with a heavy stride,
On the opposite shore walked Paul Revere
Now he patted his horse’s side,
Now gazed on the landscape far and near,
Then impetuous stamped the earth,
And turned and tightened his saddle-girth;
But mostly he watched with eager search
The belfry-tower of the old North Church,
As it rose above the graves on the hill,
Lonely, and spectral, and sombre, and still.

And lo! as he looks, on the belfry’s height,
A glimmer, and then a gleam of light!
He springs to the saddle, the bridle he turns,
But lingers and gazes, till full on his sight
A second lamp in the belfry burns!

A hurry of hoofs in a village-street,
A shape in the moonlight, a bulk in the dark,
And beneath from the pebbles, in passing, a spark
Struck out by a steed that flies fearless and fleet:
That was all! And yet, through the gloom and the light,
The fate of a nation was riding that night;
And the spark struck out by that steed, in his flight,
Kindled the land into flame with its heat.

It was twelve by the village-clock,
When he crossed the bridge into Medford town.
He heard the crowing of the cock,
And the barking of the farmer’s dog,
And felt the damp of the river-fog,
That rises when the sun goes down.
It was one by the village-clock,

When he rode into Lexington.
He saw the gilded weathercock
Swim in the moonlight as he passed,
And the meeting-house windows, blank and bare,
Gaze at him with a spectral glare,
As if they already stood aghast
At the bloody work they would look upon

It was two by the village-clock,
When he came to the bridge in Concord town.
He heard the bleating of the flock,
And the twitter of birds among the trees,
And felt the breath of the morning-breeze
Blowing over the meadows brown.
And one was safe and asleep in his bed
Who at the bridge would be first to fall,
Who that day would be lying dead,
Pierced by a British musket-ball

You know the rest. In the books you have read
How the British regulars fired and fled, -
How the farmers gave them ball for ball,
From behind each fence and farmyard-wall,
Chasing the red-coats down the lane,
Then crossing the fields to emerge again
Under the trees at the turn of the road,
And only pausing to fire and load

So through the night rode Paul Revere;
And so through the night went his cry of alarm
To every Middlesex village and farm, –
A cry of defiance, and not of fear, -
A voice in the darkness, a knock at the door,
And a word that shall echo forevermore!
For, borne on the night-wind of the Past,
Through all our history, to the last,
In the hour of darkness and peril and need,
The people will waken and listen to hear
The hurrying hoof-beat of that steed,
And the midnight-message of Paul Revere.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Long-winded bastard. You should read his Hiawatha.

As I noted yesterday, I was baptized in the Old North Church, so this has always had a special resonance for me.

I Am So Saddened

THAT SENATOR SCHUMER (Fuckface of New York) finds it “a struggle” to INFRINGE ON CIVIL RIGHTS!

Asshole!

And then the President throws a tantrum. Poo’ Bebbeh! Somebody call the bitch a wa-a-ahmbulance. Bitches love wa-a-ahmbulances.

Keep tellin’ ‘em. If they want to infringe on the rights of the people, they have to amend the Constitution. But do they listen? Noo-o-o-o!

That, Baby Doll, is a bug, not a feature. To them. It’s one of the reasons I say they start out operating with bad faith intent.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. WHAT. Everrr.

I Was Born in Boston

BAPTISED IN THE Old North Church. My father’s family is a Mayflower family on his Mother’s side. (Not that rare in Boston.)

Next person who tries to blame ANYbody for the atrocity — not tragedy, atrocity — at the Boston Marathon in advance of hard facts gets a kick in the nads. Are we clear?

Resolved: Collectivism is Objectively Evil

IN FACT, BASED ON the Twentieth Century body count alone (100-200 million citizens killed by their governments NOT in war time), collectivism is the greatest evil ever encompassed by the mind of Man.

‘S truth. Not “my” truth or “your” truth, but Capital “T” Truth. Carved in stone on a pillar Truth.

But you don’t have to take my word for it. The facts are there, the reasoning laid out for you to follow or investigate to your own satisfaction.

For example, take the contention that individuals belong to the collective, as infamously advanced by MSNBC host-ette Melissa Harris-Perry (Hyphenated surnames used to be an indicator of bastardy; has that really changed all that much since the practice became a parlor-pink fashion accessory?). The question may be couched as: do they? And the answer is obviously: No. (Or, if you prefer, Oh, HELL no!) And further, the contention is evil and ought to be met with infinite opprobrium.

However, there are those who are willing to put forth greater effort of dispositively stomping out the notion. Such as Brandon Smith of Alt-Market blog, guest posting at Zerohedge.

They promise community, and they give you isolation. They promise prosperity, and they give you servitude. They promise safety, and they give you a land of perpetual terror. They promise purpose, and give you insignificance. They promise peace, and they foment war after war after war, reaping turmoil all around us, as well as within us.

RTWT.

Glenn Beck is Aghast

THAT THE SCHOOLS are indoctrinating children to state, “I am willing to give up some of my constitutional rights if I can be safer.”

As well he should be.

But that misses the point. Rather, as I say to my congresscritters all the time (in my fantasies and emails, ’cause I never really get to talk to them), YOU don’t get to waive MY rights. That is, as a matter of fact, a violation of THE fundamental principle — the principal principle, if you will — of America. In fact, it is the equivalent of original sin in this place.

And THAT, Gentle Reader, is what is REALLY happening. You are not giving up your rights, they are being taken away.

Resist.

Considering How Obama

BEAT JACK RYAN, and how Sherrod Brown beat Josh Mandel, and how both Gore and Kerry tried to beat Dubya, Democrats have absolutely no room to talk about Mitch McConnell. But, of course, they’ll whinge about it if they think they can gain some advantage to it. But it wasn’t a Republican who coined the phrase, “Politics ain’t beanbag.”

Quote of the Day: April 10, 2013

AS THEY SAY, you cannot make this shit up.

We have never invested as much in public education as we should have because we’ve always had kind of a private notion of children: Your kid is yours and totally your responsibility. We haven’t had a very collective notion of these are our children. So part of it is we have to break through our kind of private idea that kids belong to their parents, or kids belong to their families, and recognize that kids belong to whole communities. Once it’s everybody’s responsibility, and not just the household’s, then we start making better investments.

– Melissa Harris-Perry, MSNBC anchor.

Words cannot convey just exactly how terribly despicable this is.

Not only that, but the really steep decline in American public education began almost exactly when the per-pupil expenditures began to balloon.

HERE’S YOUR TAKEAWAY FROM THAT ::SPIT:: DESPICABLE statist nanny wannabe who started out saying, “We never have invested enough in education…” and went on to claim ownership of children for the state.

First off, fuck her with a chain saw. She is despicable. Worse, she’s dangerous. And, frankly, hanging’s too good for her sort.

First principle: in a free country nobody owns anybody. All individuals own themselves. And good free people recognize that and respect the sovereignty of the individual.

Children are a special case. They must be civilized and made fit for society. They need to be educated to certain minimum standards. And, within very narrow moral strictures, they must be protected from the dire results of their own innocence.

That’s it. And, once a child is capable of making decisions for himself — and thus capable of making and absorbing the consequences of hard decisions, (and it’s generally earlier than parents like to admit), the only proper strictures a parent may or should lay on him are those which fall under the rubric of “house rules” — limits which protect the safety of parental property and those other people living in the house, and those things which might bring unearned consequences down on the owners of the house — such as drug trafficking or other illegal activities. Not that such things are necessarily approved or disapproved of, but that they put the owner (parent) unwilling at risk.

From birth, up to that point, children are the responsibility — not the property — of their parents, and it is despicable, reprehensible, and downright evil for any other person or group or the state to meddle in or interfere with that primary, fiduciary duty.

And if the children end up fucked up, all the state can or should do is shrug and remember that the sins of the fathers are visited upon the children. And those sins are myriad and manifold and extend far, far beyond the proper brief of the state.

I would add that those who would vitiate liberty using children as a stalking horse are a clear and present danger to public safety and should be — not opposed, but destroyed. As you would destroy a rabid dog, with as much dispatch and as dispassionately. And for the same reasons.

Senator McCain is Sure

HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND why those wacko birds in the tea party gang are threatening to filibuster threats to the Second Amendment.

I’m sure I don’t, either, but probably not for the same reason.

You see, McCain is a statist. (And, as I have long urged, statism should be a dirtier word than racism, on the comparative body counts alone.) So he doesn’t quite get why a notionally free people should resist the importunings of a government grown too big for its britches.

Me, I’m more liberty oriented. I find it surpassing strange that there’s even a need for said filibuster. Why should the Senate even consider such a bill, let alone need to filibuster it? Why are not those proposing it summarily drummed out of the Senate?

Publisher Beware

WHENEVER REVOLUTIONARY change threatens, (which is — like — all the time ), the Old Guard whistles in the dark past the graveyard. And, for a time, their self-deception seems to be borne out. The scorn with which members of the ancien regime deride the new seems fair to blister the finish on the hardest of power coatings. To little avail. Change is not necessarily a human choice, but a natural phenomenon, and admits to control by no one.

The metaphor I like to use is a comparison to the advent of steamships in intercontinental trade.

It was not until 1869 that steam power was finally established as the queen of the seas. But prior to that, there had to have been warning signs. After all, American shipyards stopped building clipper ships in the late 1850s. From the advent of the clipper in the years before the American Revolution (and contemporary to the development of steam) to the time of the American Civil War or shortly thereafter, there was a competition between the two in long-distance trade, with steam eventually winning out upon the opening of the Suez canal in 1869. Even today, the China clipper remains the pinnacle of beauty and function in wind-powered vessels of its size.

But we no longer power our civilization with fitful, unreliable, inefficient wind (except in the fevered backwaters of lefty brain fart pipe dreams). All during that time, there had to have been proponents of steam proudly proclaiming that “wind power is dead!” and those in favor of wind “you’ll never make China in x weeks with steam!” Both were eventually proven to be wrong. Today, only nuclear ships run on steam, and wind probably powers more recreational vessels than it ever did working cargo ships. But nobody back then could have ever predicted either, and more the fools they for trying.

But Alger, (she says, playing the good little shill like a cute and sexy doll should), you’re the one writing science fiction, which is all about predicting the future!

Well, no, Dolly. Actually, it’s not. Science fiction is about playing with ideas. Throwing the setting into the future is seen as potentially liberating, but not absolutely necessary. And, I might remind you, that the stories about you are set, now, fourteen years in the past. So your point is…?

Barefoot.

Bare…?

Bootless.

Well, see, there you go again. If you don’t have boots doesn’t mean you’re unshod. It just means you’re… Well. Bootless.

ANY way…

Anyway. Nobody back in the early 1800s could have predicted the way things worked out between steam and sail — not even Jules Verne — and their efforts to do so might have… You know when you were a kid, first learning to play baseball, and you kept fouling out down the first base line, and they told you, “If you can just straighten that out, you’ll have a home run”?

Well… No.

Oh. Was that just me? I never knew. The point is that I wasted a lot of time and energy hitting those long balls out-of-bounds. Well, as it turned out, the effort spent learning baseball was pretty much wasted anyway, but that’s another story. Which makes the point that, if all that effort that went into predicting how things would turn out in the competition between steam and sail were converted to, you know, developing new inventions or new businesses instead…

It probably wouldn’t have changed things much.

Well, there is that.

ANY way… I tell you that to tell you this: Today, the powers that think they be (TPTTTB) in the publishing world are whistling in the dark past the graveyard of independent publishing. They want to persuade themselves that they can control it, that they can survive the change it presages, that it’s a short-lived phenomenon — a fad — and all the similar wheezes you’ve heard and read in recent years. Must feel about like the carriage trade did when the wits on the sidewalk were snarking at the fools puttering by in Model-Ts, shouting, “Get a horse!” Warmed the cockles of their hearts, it must have, to hear their chosen mode of transport thus defended and even praised.

Yeah. Right. People have always been so capable of self-deception. And always will be.

But, me, I’ve seen this happen before — in my own lifetime — and I’m here to tell you, don’t nobody know nuffin’ about what’s to come. About all that can be accurately said is that things will never be the same again. But then, they never are. Or, as Dolly put it…

See, she was heading through a perilous, strait and narrow place, and a grizzled old gaffer of a Lesser Elf was sunning himself on a rock by the side of the road and tried to warn her off. “Dinna gang in there, lass. Folk wit gang in there dinna coom oot th’ same.” (All my elves are from Glasgow — not.)

And Dolly barely paused in her headlong progress, and says…

“Oh, that’s alright. I haven’t been the same for years.”

… and plunges on.

When I started out as a young tad, knee high to a very tall grasshopper, one of my mentors said to me — this would have been in 1981 or so — to watch out for ink jet technology. Because, as he said, “In ten years, you’ll be able to walk into Kmart and there’ll be a kiosk where you can get anything printed on the spot, using an ink jet printer. It’s going to put us (commercial offset printers) out of business.”

Now, at that time, Kinko’s was an established brand, and so-called “quick prints” were mushrooming everywhere, so the wary, sleeping-with-one-eye-open, reliant-on-big-iron printers of an earlier age (offset printing dates back to the 1870s) might be excused for feeling a bit nervous in the service.

But, what very few people saw coming, even at that late date, was microcomputers and what desktop publishing would eventually wreak on the graphic arts industries. The Mac was introduced in 1984 and PageMaker in 1985. But, in 1981, it looked as though minicomputers would rule the day, still calling for investments of big capital, yes, but different kinds of big capital, and probably in addition to the millions of dollars in press and bindery equipment a typical small job shop would have.

In those days, there were all manner of service specialties that surrounded printers.

There were color houses, which specialized in making color separations and laying up platemaking film for complex jobs. There were type houses, which had massive libraries of very expensive type faces and the ability to set type in any form or format from one-word headlines to the galleys for book printing — and could provide you with hot metal, cold metal, negatives, or veloxes. There were specialty platemakers and engravers who provided the dies and plates for letterpress operations — diecutting, dry embossing, hot foil stamping, or just plain ink-to-paper. There were binderies, which could perform all manner of post-press operations from die-cutting, scoring, perforating, folding, and padding to case-bound books and beyond. And there were various types and specialties of trade print shops, large press, web, flexo, silkscreen — each serving a particular niche and the jobs appropriate to it.

Fast forward, eight years, to 1989, and people were beginning to see the tsunami of change far out to sea and starting to scurry — either for the exits or for a new position, to be assumed in hopes of surviving. Two more years and it was done. Fait accompli. Stick a fork in it. Whole swathes of the graphic arts were gone — to dust, like the buggy whip manufacturers of another age.

People took early retirement or went into tending bar. Driving taxis. Some of the change is still shaking out. We at the Patch Factory sold off our last big iron offset press only a year or two ago. We were fortunate in having managers with the foresight to understand the absolute necessity of riding the tsunami, (not attempting to withstand it or get out of its way), and the willingness to capitalize the changes required. We were at the forefront of the change in our area, and ran, for the time that it mattered, the most cutting edge shop in town.

(We’ve outgrown that need, now. It’s no longer that the best available is barely adequate to our task. Commodities will do for us, and the bleeding edge is elsewhere. The wave has come in and receded in our immediate neighborhood and we have a breathing space — though not for long, I’m sure.)

The experience has both tired us and taught us to be wary of complacency. We understand that we must stay abreast of developments in a wider variety of fields than ever. We need to be out there actively looking for tools and opportunities both, or somebody younger, more nimble, or just better at what we do than we will eat our lunch. And I’m too old to go hungry ’til dinner. So I step lively.

Now, the literature industry…

::wobbita:: What’s that? “The literature industry…”?

It’s more than publishing but less than printing? Just acquiring and putting out books used to be the business model. And the powers that think they be (TPTTTB) are trying mightily to force the entire business of producing and selling letters (which is what “literature” means) into that mold. But it’s already broken out of it and the toothpaste just will not go back in the tube. And trying to get it to is a chump’s game. The energy would be much better spent on figuring out how to better provide “value-added” to independent authors. Because, while I can’t predict the shape of the business in the future (but neither can TPTTTB).

But what I can tell you for sure is that, once an author experiences a 70% royalty per copy on an e-book, or receiving the publisher’s cut AND the author’s cut on a trade paperback, he or she is NOT going to go back to 5% hardback or 7% paperback or whatever it is that “traditional” publishers dangle in front of needy, desperate-for-publication authors. And, if the publishers Amanda Green is calling “legacy” publishers want to stay viable, they’d better have a solution that — for a significantly lower percentage of the take and no control over accounting — provides services such as mass market printing and rack jobbing on books that are, essentially, print-ready packages, including covers, typesetting, page design, and the lot from the author on the front end.

Because, if they don’t, somebody smaller, younger, hungrier, smart, faster, and nimbler will come along and eat their lunch.

And, I suspect, they’re too old and fat and lazy to go hungry until dinner.

Through the Mail…


WELL… ACTUALLY through the aether, Marko Kloos’ first novel, Terms of Enlistment.

And the story of how he came to self-publish — thus doing a 180 from prior expressed beliefs — is both tutelary and cautionary.

And the boilerplate reminder: this blog is an Amazon affiliate. When you purchase from Amazon through my links, you help defray the costs of operation at no additional charge to yourself. Please patronize our advertisers, and thank YOU for your support.

Been Under the Weather

‘N’ OTHER STUFF recently. Sorry for the lackobloggage.

Loophole This

SO LEMME GET THIS STRAIGHT. If you’re a licensed dealer, and you’re selling guns at a gun show, you have to perform a background check. But, if you’re just a private individual, and you’re selling your personal property to a private individual you don’t? And the people who wrote this law were NOT strung up from the nearest lamppost on PROPOSING it?

Speaking of Covers…

PASSIVE GUY WAS on a roll last week with valuable bits of lore for self-publishers. Here he took note of a Joel Friedlander article done for Guy Kawasaki on the topic of offset printing. It’s a lightweight piece, but it does point out the potential value of the process — with the caveat that it can be capital-intensive, albeit with a potentially marvelous ROI.

On a side note, I was taken aback by the thumbnail of Kawasaki’s book cover. Based on that alone, I — for one — wouldn’t take advice on the topic of self-publishing from somebody with such a shitful cover design. But that’s just me.

A Cover Story: Chapter 5 – Bad Cover! No Biscuit!

I’m pushing back the intended next chapter another day because of some serendipitous content that flew in over the transom, so to speak. The blog The Passive Voice has featured a couple of items relevant to our process, and so I thought it appropriate to toss them in. We will resume forward progress tomorrow.

PASSIVE GUY points to a gallery of very bad book covers. Since we’re on about covers in this series, naturally, we should take a gander. And, I think, most of the covers blatantly display the reasons they were chosen for the list. But… Not all. I’m not certain I disagree with all of the choices the cover artists, art directors, and editors took. For example, I don’t get the criticism of the Hemingway. Not my cup of tea, but I wouldn’t, as the saying goes, kick it out of bed for eating crackers.

Of course, those covers which do sin against all good sensibility do so … shall we say … dispositively. The sins range from poor composition to purely awful image selection. Many of them are so bad as to cause readers to want to remove them from the book store shelves and given them a decent burial or commit them to the flames or something final-rest-y like that. So as to not cause harm to other, innocent onlookers. Anachronism, for one, utter inappropriateness for another. (Tell me: how do a modern briefcase and a kitten relate to a tale of intrigue and adventure set in France at the time of the Revolution?)

On the other hand, you don’t have to search thirty-year-old catalogs from used book stores to find purely awful covers. There are myriad examples to be found among the top editors’ picks at Amazon. For example this one. Or this one. Or this one. Or, in my own genre — science fiction and fantasy — this one. Or this one. That last actually intrigued me and I clicked through from the search listing to the individual product page, but the utter awful type arrangement (I will not dignify that abomination with the ancient and honorable term of “typesetting”.) just sent me running into the howling outer darkness. OK, not that bad, but not good.

This says nothing whatsoever about the quality of the books, only that of the covers. The books themselves might be masterpieces, but their bad covers diminish their chances of ever being read, and more’s the pity. And, if the reasons that I selected the ones I did are unclear, ask in comments and we can discuss.

I do think, however, I should make it clear that my choices have little to do with my personal taste. There were a good many covers I didn’t like and would never choose for my own work. And also many I did like but still would not choose to cover a book of mine. The ones I point out are those that jumped out of the search listing at me as REALLY bad in thumbnail form. And I only clicked through to the one. The rest were judged SOLELY on the basis of the 160×160 pixel image. Keep that in mind. Your work will also be judged on that same basis.

PASSIVE GUY ALSO points to some tools for color. The one I like is the one called Kuler which helps you make a color scheme or theme. I like it because it forces a limited palette. Or, at least, it does if you actually use it.

Limited palette is important because… In order to draw a potential reader’s attention, you need to draw their visual focus. You need to make them PAY ATTENTION to you. And, for the most part, a very good way to do that is to make your cover image a thing which is perceived to be of a single color.

Why? Well, the eye is drawn to the unusual in a scene. And most scenes — look around yourself and you’ll see what I mean — have an incredible amount of noise in them. Which makes it hard to see a particular individual object in a scene unless there’s something to draw your attention to it — to make you focus on it to the exclusion of all else in the scene.

Shape.

A distinct and clear shape that stands out from the background is one thing that will do this. Military folks have been using the inverse of this for practically ever in the art of camouflage. If you break up the outline of an object, you make it harder to see. Conversely, if you strongly limn the edges of an object, it will stand out — be more noticeable.

Color can accomplish much the same thing. If most of a scene is either a single color or incredibly noisy and an object is of a single different color, or NOT noisy, the object will stand out from the background. So, if you use a limited color palette in your cover design, and do so wisely, you can make of it an object that stands out from the background and yet contains in it other objects — the title and author’s name, or the featured object in the source image — which in turn stand out from the cover. Ideally, you want all of your major elements to read effortlessly at that 160-pixel square size.

Another thing about that tool, (which may mean that SOME of you (I’m looking at you, Mrs. Hoyt) may not be allowed to use it), is that it’s by Adobe. And integrates (or so I’m told) with Photoshop. I haven’t been able to figure out how, yet, but I’m told it’s possible.

But, it’s also an online tool, so isn’t locked into the Adobe apps. You can note the color values in RGB, HSV, CMYK, Hex, or LAB… and transfer them manually into whichever app you’re using. With practice, that’s actually not too bad. I use a similar technique for reading colors from Photoshop into CorelDRAW. Not because I really have to, but because, on an ad hoc basis, it’s fast, easy, and lightweight. Doesn’t take a lot of setup and effort to do. Sometimes the low tech way is best.

A Cover Story: Chapter 4 — The Pressures on a Commercial Artist

I originally set out to draft this post back in January. It wasn’t originally about book covers specifically or technically, but more about a general philosophy of commercial art that would support a certain set of notions about book cover design. I never could get to finishing it, so abandoned it. (A lot more work gets abandoned for lack of motivation or a sense of how to proceed than you might think. Call it a false start.) Since then, a lot has changed, and events have developed beyond it. And I’ve come back around to the concept of writing about cover design and want to include this in that wider project. However, rather than attempt to bring it into continuity with the rest of the saga, I leave it here as an intercalerary piece (thus the weekend post), and hope that the quirkiness of it is found charming rather than distracting.

AT LEAST, WHEN I SAT DOWN TO compose this post, that was the title that popped into my mind.

Sarah’s been after me… Well, no. Not really. She mentioned it once.

But, to have it even popped into mind among the other things she has going on in there (including a perfectly pellucid dream fable of totalitarianism and the subversive nature of art), it must be important. That is to say, there is a certain need for this, not that it matters to Sarah. The thing has to be important.

I’ve struggled for months with the ideas and strictures of lending my experience at the top levels of graphic design in service to the selling of creative product (that’s as specific as I can get without giving away my employer, who really doesn’t need to be associated with my far-out right wing extremist views). How do I do a workshop — or even a post — on the subject of book cover design. Yes, I’ve designed book covers. Just not New York City (said in the tobacco-juice-spitting accents of those Texas cowboys who love them some Pace picante salsa) published mass market stuff.

I’ve decided to focus on one aspect of the subject. I have to figure either you already know the rules of composition, perspective and proportion, line and mass, color and contrast, hue, and tint, and the language of symbols, and how to make attractive headline-type layouts or you don’t and I can’t teach you in 500 words, or even 5,000, so why try. Instead I’ll focus on one aspect of the subject — source imagery.

What is source imagery? Well, if you look at a book cover and strip away all the type — the author’s name, the title of the book, the publisher’s name, the price of the book, the marketing tag line, AND all the other graphics (including plain borders and large areas of solid color — what’s left is usually a picture, photograph, painting, illustration. That’s your source image. It’s what conveys the sense, mood, concept, and a little about the characters and even the plot. It is also what is going to attract the reader to your book. Your entire career is resting on this image. So you can understand why authors obsess so about covers. And they’re right to do so, even if they’re sometimes wrong in how they go about expressing their obsessions.

Abby Sciuto, the hyper-smart Goth forensic tech on NCIS puts it, “There’s no substitute for high-quality source imagery.” And it’s so true. I wince when people tell me they use free clip art and photos and do their layouts in Power Point. There is far more to getting good output than just throwing pretty pictures on a computer screen. A lot more.

In doing commercial package design — and that is what you’re doing — everything has to be perfect. Otherwise, your product label will look bush league and, even if the potential customer can’t articulate why she thinks so, she will be turned off your book. She may still buy it, but your chances of closing any individual sale just went down — by more than half. Trust me.

So, what do I mean by perfect? Oh, let me count the ways.

First, it has to look good. Then it has to suit your purpose, third the execution has to be clean, fourth it has to be tough… have heft… make you horny. And last, it has to work mechanically with the reproduction process.

That’s five. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

1. Look Good. Way too many book covers have art that looks terrible. It’s weak, lame, amateurish, unprofessional. These are all attributes that signal to the buyer, “This is a book which may disappoint you.” It may not, but, if the cover is poorly done — which is built on your source image — that’s a signal. A negative signal. That is, it can’t look like five-year-old painted it in those cheap-assed finger paint watercolors they let you use in grammar school. More than that, it has to look like a competent artist made the image — whether it’s a photograph or a painting or a drawing, or a comic, or whatever.

That’s not to say the technique can’t be rough — far from it. But there does have to be technique, even if it is rough. For example:

Back in the days of Punk, when such things were in fashion, I used to get photocopied imagery. The senders wanted us to emulate the cut paper, high-contrast photo, Xeroxed style of the punk rock promoters’ flyers — the things you used to see stapled up on telephone poles all over the place near colleges and hip business districts, advertising concerts and parties. And might still, for all this old fogy knows.

But the point was, the photocopied image was never the starting point, and what had to be done to the image to get it to look rough and cheap and tough and all that was long, protracted, and — need I say — expensive if you wanted to hire a pro to do it. As an amateur labor of love, it could be cheap, but amateurs can flake out on you at the worst possible moment. But trust me, those Clash and Sex Pistols album covers were done by pros working in pro studios and may have been cheaply produced compared to — oh, say — a Beatles cover (back cover, Abbey Road), but they were out of reach for your average garage band. Trust me. You can’t interface with a pro production establishment by submitting crap. It has to meet certain minimum standards or fixing it will cost more than it’s worth.

And, yes, crap has been published. But do you want to bet your career on it? No. Of course not. So: perfect, make it look good.

That’s not to say that all source imagery has to meet or surpass the standards of classical art or the renaissance mashups of it. This is not “Grandma Moses need not apply.” I’m not here to argue whether folk art is art.

Although it is interesting that when people want to parse things, they start with arbitrary taxonomies that make no objective sense. Why is Rembrandt not folk art? Was Rembrandt from another world? An alien from Arcturus Centauri A? Of course not. He was a people. Doesn’t that make him folk? What people who seek to divide “fine” art from “folk” art are expressing is a snobbishness about training versus talent. Me, I don’t give a shit about either. I’m concerned with discipline and production. I know a superbly trained and talented artist who, the last time I saw him, was selling fresh fish in a chain grocery. All the talent in the world (and he had it, trust me) availed him nothing. And, yes, the world is poorer for it. But… YOU have to put product on the metaphorical shelves, and it has to be done to certain standards.

But-tennyway… It can be the crudest, most primitive, objectively immature work in the world. If it’s well-executed, THAT is what counts.

2. Suit Purpose. As a book publisher, you have several requirements for your package label. It must

• Attract attention, either of a reader already familiar with your work who may be actually look for this particular title or of a reader browsing book listings (or an actual, physical shelf).
• Turn the reader on. There’s an attractant that may reside in the same place as sex — thus the notion “sex sells — whatever, but it certainly appeals to the same brain-side nervendings, whether it’s an image, a sound, a taste, a scent, or the mental stirrings that come when you read words or hear a radio drama.
• Finally, make the reader buy the book — turn him/her from a generic reader into your reader, at least in potential.

3. Clean Execution. Part of technique, of course, is execution. Any pro will have definite opinions on this, but… The execution of any project should be evident in the output. It should be clean, of course. It should flow smoothly from one element to another. It should fit properly into its frame. It should HAVE a frame — a frame of reference, which might not be apparent to the casual view, but to which all parts of the artistic unity refer.

And you’re going, “What the farg is he on about?”

Artistic unity is that all parts of the whole refer to one another, or to some external frame of reference, in a systematic, visual or philosophical way. If you plunk something down in a design, it has to relate to the whole, in scale, position, attitude, color — somehow — or it will look out of place. In The Door Into Summer, Heinlein wrote that you don’t put a propeller on a bathtub just because you have one handy. On the other hand, you might put one in a bathtub if you’re making a Jacuzzi. It’s all a matter of context and your frame of reference. The illustration you use as the source art for your book cover has to relate, not only visually to the rest of the design, but also conceptually to the content of your book.

That’s not to say that the busty redhead on the cover has to be a literal portrait of your female protagonist. But the visual cues — the symbolism included — have to make sense in the frame of reference of your book or you’ll get dinged for artistic fraud. At least.

Now, I’m sure you’ve heard or read the same horror stories I have about how books were killed by covers that were commissioned by art directors who had not even read the executive summary of the book, let alone the whole manuscript. Those covers would be, therefore, the veriest definition of a lack of design unity, and were, also by definition, poorly executed. But I’d go further and guess that the vast majority of them were also badly-done. I know, I have seen examples of such and have thought them all to be shoddy work.

That relates to the cleanliness of execution in that the total work, as seen by an objective viewer, should appear to be well-made.

Ever seen a bad Photoshop job? What did you notice most about it? The edges. The seams. The stray pixels, the mis-matches in color, resolution, sharpness, perspective, lighting. Those are all earmarks of poor execution. The artist was in a hurry. Not attentive to detail. Too cheap to spend the time and effort to make a clean mask, to find photos that match up in the other matters. These things jump off the cover and smack the reader in the eyes, making him/her move on to the next book on the shelf. And the bad part? These things are emphasized, not hidden, by down-sampling or scaling an image. So tiny little details in your large-scale working image will, when the cover is shrunk down to a thumbnail, be exaggerated. You need to make sure, by properly executing your work flow (and testing your image at different sizes and resolutions) as well as making sure the image is well-formed.

So: technique, clean execution, suit purpose. What else? Well…

4. It has to have heft. Sorry, I don’t know how else to explain it. And, also sorry, this is something a lot of designers get wrong. The ones who get it right?

Aubrey Powell. Po. Does album covers. Based in London. Was, with Storm Thorgerson, half of Hipgnosis.

Hugh Syme. Does album covers. Based in Toronto. I’ve had the honor to work with Hugh and he is as brilliant as his work might let you think.

Michael Whelan. SFF fans will of course recognize Whelan for his work covering works by C.J. Cherryh, Heinlein, and myriad others.

A West. West’s hand-drawn mini-masterpieces enhanced album covers, posters, newspaper and magazine ads for such artists as Tom Petty, Billy Idol, and Fleetwood Mac. His Brass Ring Circus Studios was a fixture in southern California in the ’80s and ’90s. I’ve lost track of him since and miss his presence on the scene.

OK, you say, I’m not an artist of that caliber. Well, here’s news — neither am I. You don’t have to be to do a good design.. But you have to see what these guys (and others at their level) do in terms of shape, volume, composition — the language of form — in order to do your fakes and cheats to make the primary images on your book covers. You have to come up to that level in terms of the toughness and the sexiness of your images. Why? Because others will, and you’ll be competing with them for eyeballs and, eventually (as Heinlein put it ) their beer money. And, if you come up short, you’ll lose.

OK. Tough. Heft. What else.

5. Meet mechanical requirements. The image has to be, in addition to beautiful, clean, and well-made, properly built for its mechanical purpose. It has to display and print properly, or it won’t serve its purpose. It must be of the correct resolution, with the requisite bleeds included, of the right size and aspect ratio, and in the correct file format.

A Cover Story: Chapter 3 – Elements

Base Lips ImageANY DESIGN IS MADE UP OF ELEMENTS. What are elements? Well, there are Elements of Design and then there are the elements of a design. The first set refers to the overarching principles that inform good design — line, color, texture, space, and form. The second refers to the collection of — for lack of a better term — objects which make up a particular image. For our purposes, a book cover will have a source image or images, type copy, type faces, color, and composition. Except for the creation of a source image or of type, we will make little direct use of line. Color will be a big part of the tools we manipulate for our purposes, as will texture and form. And we will attempt to create space and form as we go.

But first, we must gather our elements and decide on a design.

My exemplar cover is a live project intended for the first novel in the Baby Troll Chronicles, Dolly Apocrypha, current working title Report from New Xenaland. That’s going to change, and will have to be pretty well settled before we proceed too much farther on the cover design, but it’s open at the moment.

And thereby may hang a tale. Because the direction take for the final sale title for the book will — should, must, ought to — influence the look of the cover package. Are the reasons for that clear? If they are not, post your questions in comments and we’ll discuss it. But for now, I’ll take them as both obvious and given.

As the story is a part of a larger series — indeed also as the anchor story for the first of three or four distinct series or story arcs featuring these same characters and this same built world — the covers for the entire series will have a unified look. I have a great deal of experience in this, as I use the concept daily — albeit in the service of a wholly other end — and I will be able to pass along some of the tricks and techniques I and my teammates use to this end. More on this later.

I will have to emplace three marketing tags in addition to the book title and my name on the cover, which implies that I’ll have to be most clever with the arrangement of the type to get all that in and still keep it readable, both close up and life-sized an reduced and down-rezzed to thumbnail for Amazon et al.

Also, as I do not have the time (or, to be honest, the skill set) to produce figurative illustrations of people or scenes, the tack we’ll be taking will involve abstracts, symbols, and found objects to denote (and connote) our themes. This implies that we must consider how to tie the look of all the series’ covers together and still differentiate them from one another. As I say: more, later. So. The elements:

  • Source illustration
  • Background texture
  • Colophon (publisher’s logo)
  • Volume indicator
  • Title
  • Marketing tag One: “The Baby Troll Chronicles”
  • Marketing tag Two: “Book One of the Dolly Apocrypha”
  • Marketing tag Three: “Something clever and enigmatic Dolly says in dialog.”
  • Front cover blurb:”Something nice somebody you’d know says about the book or me or Dolly.”
  • Back cover blurb: “In 1996, the Goddess Aphrodite cast the soul of her servant, Gabrielle Francesca East, into a 12-inch plastic Xena: Warrior Princess action figure. A dolly. On Valentine’s Day in 1998, Aphrodite arranged for the soul to be transfered into a human body. These are the adventures of that dolly. For fifteen years, the world has eagerly awaited the arrival of the final versions of Dolly’s stories. This is the first volume. The wait is over.”

I’m not holding my copy up as an example of The Way, The Truth, and The Light. Along my way, I will be running these by real pros in the field and listening to what they have to say about them, adjusting accordingly. But I know those elements need to be there for my cover to look — to be — professional. So I’m putting in placeholders to be altered as required down the road. This will complicate the production of the cover art, but it’s necessary they be there, so we accept the complications as part of the process.

There will also be a set of elements which the printer will require. At least one will be the bar code, which will probably subsume an ISBN. (What? You’re not buying an ISBN? Are you serious? Or are you just playing around? Go. Buy at least one, ten if you can afford them.)

Here’s why. First, if you don’t buy ISBNs for your titles, your books don’t exist. Don’t complain to me; I didn’t design the system. Yes, there are myriad other identifiers. Yes, “they” (that ever-present and amorphous “they”) say that the ISBN is going away. All that may be true. But, now, here, in the real world, the ISBN is the number that everybody uses to identify a book. Even Amazon does, though it’s not their preferred identifier. Bowker charges $125 for the first one, but will sell you the next nine for $13.89 each (rounded up). If you find it hard to turn loose of that as an investment in your business, fine. Cut your own throat. You can get “free” ISBNs issued by some channels — CreateSpace and Smashwords both offer free or discounted ISBNs. Read the fine print carefully to see whether these services suit you. But DO NOT attempt to publish a book without an ISBN altogether.

And the point for the purposes of this discussion is that you need to make provisions for the ISBN and bar code in your design. The Create Space template includes requirements for it. They will place it on the cover, and I recommend you go with the flow on this. They’ll encode the number, and decide whether to print the human-readable alpha imprint in black over your art, or knock it out to white. Just leave room for it and be aware it will be there.

Now, let’s start looking at the elements in more detail.

1. Source Illustration: The illustration needs to tease the story without giving anything away. No spoilers. It does not need to be a literal portrayal of persons, places, or events in the story. But readers may refer to the cover illustration while they’re reading, and if there is a dissonance, you’ll hear about it. I don’t have a completed illustration — don’t even have a rough sketch, yet — so we’ll be hand-waving for a little bit. Possibly by Chapter 5, we’ll be working with the actual image(s). For now, let’s talk about the overall concept.

The story takes place in Auckland, New Zealand and its northern suburbs — in particular the Rodney District and Snell’s Beach area. The setting does not serve as much but a ground for action to take place. Auckland does have significance to the overall saga, but never figures as a character in the story in the way that New York does in the Nero Wolfe stories or London in Sherlock Holmes. However, there are themes and tropes in the novel that ground the story and we will use some of them visually. These elements will also help down the line to identify this particular book among its litter mates, when there are more of them on shelves actual and virtual. Among those will be the silhouette of a certain species of palm, not native to the city, but nevertheless a familiar in its public spaces.

Finally, a good deal of the character development hangs on events sexual in nature, and I will be looking for a way to portray certain — erm — climactic scenes in the abstract, using symbols and objects to hint at what is a good deal more explicit in the text. The ideal I’ll be striving for is represented by the image at the top. (You can click on any of the images in this article to see it full-size.) However, that particular pic is not suitable for several reasons:

  • First, it’s not mine. I don’t own the copyright on it. And court cases on the subject have made it clear that derivatives of images must be unrecognizable as such to not infringe.
  • Second, it’s from the wrong angle. It’s a full profile, whereas I want something that’s turned toward the viewer at least a quarter.
  • Finally, it’s — subtly — the wrong expression. I want something more like the images shown in the screen grab of my image directory below.

There are several other factors mitigating against direct use of this image, but others that make me want to use it as a base, not least being I want to use it as a reference for the texture, detail, and gloss on the lips. All three may go away, depending on what I do about the style of the illustration, but they start out in the mix for the moment.

But back to the cover source image. Right now, the only element in-hand or very far along at all is the lips. The rest will come along as I go. And, for future discussions, I will consider the background texture as a part of the source illustration, although I will be breaking it apart from this particular cover and re-using it on others in the series.

3. Colophon Really? Why? Well… Same as with the ISBN. You are going to turn potential buyers away if you make your book inaccessible. Many distributors and retailers will not carry self-published books. That prejudice is slowly going away, but it does still exist. There’s no point in poking it with a stick. There is also the possibility that, without at least the appearance of a discrete publisher — as separate from the author — you’re going to scare off some readers. You face enough friction slowing down potential sales. There’s NO point in adding to it if you can easily eliminate it. Publishing under your own imprint is one way to do that. And a solid anchor for taking advantage of the practice is to include a publisher’s logo in your cover design. My imprint is Dreamflower Works. I have the domain name and everything (although the web site is embryonic at the moment). The logo image is a morning glory blossom in a frame with the imprint slug under the flower.

scr adobe bridge 130318The image to the right (and the similar one below) are screen grabs from Adobe Bridge. I have arranged and configured the display in each case for my illustrative purposes in making the grabs. There is a great deal more possible with the application than meets the eye here.

The creation process in making the logo can be divined from these grabs. I wanted originally to make a Mucha-esque corner spray of three blossoms, some leaves, and vines. But, short on time, I decided to simplify the thing, (always a good approach to improving a design). So I drew as my text, the tattoo flash of a single morning glory blossom (second row, second from left in the screen grab), and used as my guide for drawing the blossom the photo of the white flower, (fourth row, farthest right). I did the drawing in CorelDRAW!. It took, perhaps, an hour. Then I threw together the logo badge. I have always liked the typeface. It’s called Arnold Boecklein, or, in some font kits, Arabia. Boomer fans of the band Yes might recognize it from heavy use by the album cover artist, Roger Dean. The rest of the design stems from a desire to make something tough looking that will read well small. I intend to make a line version of the flower for use in print versions of the book as a scene and chapter break “dingbat”.

And I observe from my previews, that we’re running a bit long. Plus: I promised this post much earlier today, though I doubt there are more than a handful of you out there waiting with ‘bated breath for my words of wisdom. And, it’s past time for dinner, so I have to go. Chapter 4 is already in the queue and will appear tomorrow morning.

Enjoy!

scr_adobe_bridge_2_130323A side note, here. I love Adobe Bridge. And if you need a reason to buy Creative Suite, this app is one. I understand that some of the features I really like in it are not available in earlier versions, so keep in mind I’m describing the version with CS6 (or later). I’m finding it a bonzer production tool. It has just enough cross-platform and inter-application heterogeneousness to make it useful to someone who uses apps by other publishers, but is powerful and flexible enough if you just use CS. (Or the other apps, but you wouldn’t have it if you weren’t using CS.) There have been many attempts to provide this kind of function before, but they have all failed in trying to control too much of the user’s experience, instead of simply sitting there and let the USER decide how to use it. What it provides is a combination of search, archiving, production process control, app- and task-switching, and visual access to all of the collateral an artist will use in regular production. I find I can tunnel across the network to other machines and snatch up content from alien drives and archives as easily as though it were on my desktop. Claims have been made of this before, but, in my experience, most have fallen short of the ideal. Adobe seems to have hit a home run, here.

Quote of the Day

There is something in a cat which cannot abide a closed door.

–Me

Just a Reminder

THAT EARTH HOUR COMES on a Saturday this year. March Twenty-threeth (that’s today), so keep a close eye out. Those leftist shibboleths can be sneaky critters.

But. all you sinners. put your lights on. Put your lights on. ‘Cause there’s a monster under your bed and it’s called International Revolutionary Marxism in environmentalist clothing, a.k.a., a watermelon.

The rest of you, use all the ‘lectric you want. We’ll make more.

St. Ann This Week

IS ON THE WARPATH about Republican stupidity. Her column this week takes the GOP to task for running stupid candidates. Really? Looks to me more like the people who step up are stupid. How about getting less-stupid people to step up?

Wellll…?

“Well…” what?

You are, as Mycroft put it, not-stupid.

I’m flattered. But… no. I wouldn’t do as a candidate. Not even in a suit. I’ll just say that southwest Ohio is mostly lucky in the kind of people who step up. No, Josh Mandel didn’t win. And the nation is all the poorer for having Sherrod Brown shoved down our throats for another 6 years. But Mandel is a good guy and he’ll be back. Or the Second District’s own Brad Wenstrup — stepping in to replace Jean Schmidt — that was a win, wunnit?

But we really need to get rid of this notion that, because the Republicans won’t run liberty-oriented originalists, the People lose.

What? Third party? That makes a fuck of a lotta sense!

No. I’m thinking more along the lines of a good second party. Or, actually, first party. Relegated the Dems to second place.

Not as Young as I Used to Be

AND LACK OF REST gets to me faster than when I was younger. I apologize, but I was not able to finish Chapter 3 of the Cover Story before bedtime Thursday night. And, as it’s grocery week, I won’t be able to get it Friday night, either. It will have to wait until Saturday morning, so I’ll be publishing sometime Saturday afternoon. Chapter 4 is already written and will run on Sunday. I hope this won’t happen too often, but it’s almost inevitable, given my age and infirmities.

Quote of the Day

[M]en who hold all truth to be relative, or to be a fable meant to uphold an unjust social order, have no purpose to their questions, except to erode the world.

John C. Wright

Neatly put.

Depositor Haircuts

OK. THIS IS NO LONGER me preaching sedition. With governments around the world proposing that depositors’ money be stolen — yes, stolen — to prop up failing banks (which fail in part due to inept banking regulators), it is no longer seditious to preach the assassination of importunate government officials. It is now a matter of defense of property. In other words, the prevention of a felony-in-progress. Make no mistake, if the kleptocrats are not reined in — and sharply — no man’s life or property will ever be safe again.

And idiot leftists (BIRM*) wonder why the American Constitution includes the Second Amendment and why it’s so fiercely defended. “Why do you fear your government?” they ask — witlessly. “Because the government does not sufficiently fear the people,” we answer.

*(But I Repeat Myself)

I Get Started on Rants Like This

AND BEFORE I GET TO THE second paragraph, I’m sputtering like Daffy Duck just had his beak shot off by Elmer Fudd. I just cannot keep it together long enough to express my anger without it overcoming me.

So, thank the Lord we have Emperor Misha. Who gets right to the point and manages to keep his cool to state his thesis.

Enemies of We the People and the Constitution of the United States of America to which we swore an unbreakable oath: You are entering territory that is not uncharted, you would know if you’d ever bothered to take a break from licking each others’ balls and read a few books, but it is fraught with danger, horror, tragedy and pain. You will not emerge from that territory unscathed and, if G-d be truly on our side, you will not emerge at all except to be hanged from the nearest utility posts.

Not that, as Misha admits, it will do any good to issue the warning. But in a moral sense, it is required. To strike without warning puts We in the Right on the same moral footing as the Enemies of We the People. (LIBAKM*.)

*(Let It Become A Keyboard Macro.)

A Cover Story: Chapter 2

I SAID IN THE PREVIOUS chapter that I would challenge some accepted conventional wisdom on this topic. Let me start out by attacking two seemingly contradictory shibboleths all at one fell swoop.

One: you can do this. It’s not rocket science. You don’t have to be a professional to do it. But: B, professionalism does count. It doesn’t take any special talent (although talent helps), but it does take discipline.

People will either tell you that you can’t do it — hire a pro — or they’ll tell you that you can, and the concerns that pros voice on the subject don’t matter. They’re just silly gatekeeper notions that can be swept away because the person speaking said so.

Juxtaposed like that, you should be able to see the risible idiocy in both contentions. So, I’m not going to tell you that you can’t do this, but I am going to tell you that you need to trim your expectations as to the potential results. And, in aid of that, here’s a dirty little secret about professional, commercial artists:

We don’t all draw.

Oh, we can. It’s kind of like what Heinlein’s Johnny Rico learned about K9 dog handlers in Starship Troopers: if you’re not enough of a dog-lover to sneak one past your mom, you’re probably not cut out to be a K9 handler. That applies here: if you’re not an art geek — drawing pictures and doodles, making images, shooting photos, working WAY outside your comfort zone every waking minute of the day, you’re probably not going to find the field comfortable. While you may find it frustrating that you don’t get to use your skill with a pen or pencil (or, in this day and age, a stylus) every day, you do keep your chops up.

But you don’t get to use them all the time, simply because, unless you’re a cartooning savant, it simply takes too long. And time is money. My time is worth up to $300 an hour. I don’t get to waste it noodling around with a pencil. So I learned — a long, long time ago — how to cheat. Yes, you do trace. Yes, you do use Photoshop. Yes, you do steal images. And you learn how to both file the serial numbers off, but also how to take those stolen images and make them your own. (The two not being utterly unrelated.)

One of my artistic heroes, Michelangelo, famously asserted that one cannot call himself an artist if he cannot draw. That is, if he cannot accurately reproduce what he sees before him, or in his mind’s eye, in — at minimum — the basic level of a marking medium on a loose sheet substrate. BUT… that is not to say that one cannot use mechanical aids. Yes, a steady hand is an asset. But it is not a sine qua non. In fact, it is one of the grand gifts to the world of art from the explosion of personal computing technology that computers provide mechanical aids to drawing which permit someone with less-than-brilliant eye-hand coordination to nonetheless produce nearly-perfect drawings with remarkably little skill, talent, or training.

(But not, it should be added with haste, none.)

So, imagine what you can do WITH those things. And a computer. And a set of software tools at a high level of quality and ease of use.

Back when I was in junior high school (what they call middle school these days), I played in the marching band. One day, our instructor went up in front of the class with a beautiful horn in his hand. It was a Getzen trumpet — worlds away better than the Bundy horns we were playing. It looked like that snowy dove, trooping with crows, that Shakespeare talked about. It sounded like the voice of angels. And it was easy to play. It practically blew itself. It also cost. Even back then, Getzen trumpets sold new in four figures. By the Candy Bar Rule, that means that a $2,500 trumpet in 1967 would be worth $25,000 today. Or more. Herb Alpert played one. And a whole raft of others did, too. For me, it was the first name-brand instrument I learned to recognize not only on sight, but by sound.

Yes. With years of practice, one might be able to approximate the beauty of the music that came out of that thing with a cheap-assed hunk of brass and tin. And, in the hands of a virtuoso pro, our dented rentals could sing like those angels. But the tool was and remains ineffably superior, and there was and is a very good reason why top pros choose it.

Back in the days of the 486 computer, when Photoshop was in version 2 and Illustrator was in 4 or 5 and CorelDRAW! somewhere between versions 2 and 5, I used to say that the best that’s out there was barely adequate to our task. That’s changed in the years since, but, even so, pros are always pushing the outside of the envelope. And it takes a long time for the results of those pushes to trickle down to the open source level. And you’re beginning to see where I’ve been headed. Tools. While it’s a poor workman who blames his tools for bad work or failure, the quality of your tools will be reflected in your work — at the very least in how easily you can get it done.

People will tell you (I’m looking at YOU, Dean Wesley Smith) that you can do acceptable cover art in PowerPoint. I’m here to tell you that he’s full of it. He got away with it, but if you saw some of his early efforts — before he and Kris hired a real artist to do their covers — you’d shudder like I did. I will tell you this: here where I work, we WILL NOT accept as ready for production ANY image prepared in ANY application in the Microsoft Office suite — and that includes MS Publisher. And, if work is submitted in one of the formats, we’ll charge at our confiscatory hourly rates to translate it into a format that actually — you know — provides salable output. This is not an unreasoning prejudice (like I used to joke I had against Aldus apps). It is a hard-earned wisdom gained over years of struggling to get those applications to cooperate with professional level output devices and the tool sets associated with them. Things have, as I say, improved since, but there still is a long-established work flow to getting marks on paper, and Microsoft seems to think they know better than a global industry which goes back to Gutenberg and knows a thing or two about the art and science of it. And you learn — the hard way — that using the wrong tool for the job is a waste of time and money. And, at these hourly rates, that’s a real big waste.

A lot of people — usually salesmen — will hand-wave all that away, saying in essence, “If I can’t see the difference, I’m going with the low-cost way, no matter what.” And this is where I started this column: you don’t have to be a pro, but you do have to exhibit the pro wisdom, or pros will come along and eat your lunch. Because, you see, you have to remember that you are not a stand-alone phenomenon. Your cover does not exist in splendid isolation. It has to elbow its way to a potential reader’s center of attention throw a virtual Rodney King riot of competing covers. It has approximately a tenth of a nanosecond to do it in. And it has to NOT send any subtle, nearly subliminal, negative cues to observers during its instant in the spotlight.

What does this mean to you — the non-pro, who doesn’t have the time or inclination to become a pro, just to make a few book covers? Simple: be aware that there are pros — and non-pros willing to put forth the effort — against whose your cover will be competing. If you’re not willing to put forth the effort to learn these basic principles, which I am attempting in my own, poor way to exposit here, do not come crying to me about how tough the competitions is. Talk to the hand.

And here’s a final bit of wisdom for you to think about, and to tease you until next time: details matter.

With regard to tools… You can get away with using a vastly underpowered tool set for a while. However, if you’re going to be doing this for a living (by which I mean design your own book covers for publication and sale) (and if you’re not, hire a pro), you will eventually have to invest in doing-it-for-a-living level tools.

So, yes. Investigate and learn how to use GIMP, Inkscape, Xara, and the rest of the free and cheap applications. For one, the greater variety of tools you can use, the wider your perspective becomes, and the greater your facility with all of them. BUT… plan to invest. My recommendation, if you’re not able to turn loose of the admittedly significant bolus of cash for Adobe Creative Suite, is that you look into CorelDRAW!. Yes, it’s PC-only. But the Corel Graphics Suite includes both the (in my opinion) best vector drawing tool out there, and a powerful, top-end bitmap editor, and the ONLY bitmap-to-vector tracing tool still on the market. Plus, as I have noted elsewhere, Corel’s PostScript output is far superior to Adobe’s own. However, you will eventually have to invest at least in Photoshop, even if you don’t get the rest of CS. So start planning for it now. Save your pocket change, if you have to. But don’t put it off too long.

There’s a rule in business. In broad general it goes like this: if you spend more by farming work out than you would obtaining the ability in-house, bring it in house. We bought our first imagesetter (a 6-figure investment) when we were spending more every month with a service bureau than the cost of the machine lease payment and the consumables. Since we were charging back the rates the service bureau was charging us, those fees went straight to our bottom line. The same will apply to you. When you are spending more per cover on outside art than the tools and training would cost you, and you have the ability to do the work (and the time, but that’s a different discussion), then it’s time to take the plunge.

But, possibly, not before.